Ballyard Dreams Shattered

I once owned a Keith Hernandez model, two-tone Louisville Slugger. I begged my mom to buy it for me with the intention of using it during my senior season of high school ball. Man, I loved that bat -- it was a thing of beauty. And, as the only player with a wood bat, I would be the awe of all my teammates.

First time up with it, in a meaningless Winter League game, I cracked a double the opposite way. I discovered minutes later that I also cracked my precious lumber. Needless to say, I was devastated and my baseball career was never the same.

Trading places. Lots of action on Trade Deadline Day, too much really to go into any detail. Let's just sum it up by saying the Red Sox (C/1B Victor Martinez from Cleveland), Tigers (LHP Jarrod Washburn from Seattle) and White Sox (RHP Jake Peavy from San Diego) did OK for themselves for the stretch run. And that's what it's all about, right?

There were many more deals but none that had any significant impact for their clubs this season (I'm still trying to figure out what the Reds were thinking in going after Toronto's Scott Rolen and the same goes for the Yankees' acquisition of Jerry Hairston Jr.).

Still, with all the activity, the most anticipated trade of 2009 didn't get done -- Roy "Doc" Halladay remains a Blue Jay.

Tip of the Cup. To new Phillies ace Cliff "Lefty" Lee, whose complete-game four-hit victory over the Giants conjured memories of another great Phillies left-hander, Steve Carlton. Lee also had a couple of hits and scored a run.

Run-of-the-mill BS. Eleven save situations and only three blown -- a disappointing turnout: Kerry Wood, Indians (5); Matt Guerrier, Twins (2); Alberto Arias, Astros (2).

Down a Cup Size

It's gotten to a point where baseball's ever-expanding drug cartel no longer matters -- at least not to fans. Boston's David Ortiz is the latest to fess up, but let's face it, we may as well just concede that anyone who was anyone during that era (late 1990s to mid-2000s) used and abused and played us for suckers.

Those players made a conscious choice (although most of them didn't need the enhancement) and now they have to live with the consequences of tainted performances, numbers and reputations -- not to mention having the embarrassment of requesting a smaller certain piece of equipment (ahem).

Tip of the Cup. The Cubs delivered quite a potent 1-2 combination -- leadoff man Kosuke Fukudome and No. 2 hitter Ryan Theriot drove in four runs apiece -- in pummeling NL Central rival Houston for the second straight day. Chicago then rewarded winning pitcher Kevin Hart by shipping him to Pittsburgh for lefty relievers John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny.

Load of BS. Five out of nine possible save situations were blown Thursday with middle relievers again dominating the blow chart ("You want good leads? Too bad; those are for closers."): Craig Breslow, A's (1); Matt Thornton, White Sox (4); Mike Gonzalez, Braves (5); Guillermo Mota, Dodgers (2); Kyle McLellan, Cardinals (2).

Finally, Freddy

OK, Giants, now you're walking the walk.

San Francisco decided to pull the trigger on a Freddy Sanchez deal today and effectively inserted itself in the NL pennant race (wake up and take notice, all you blue-blooded Manny-lovers). The Giants may have bargained away part of the future by giving up pitching prospect Tim Alderson, but it's a helluva bargain for what they're trying to achieve this season. It does, however, make the Ryan Garko trade that much more meaningless.

By the way, thanks to Matt Cain and Randy Winn, the Giants also completed a sweep of Sanchez's former club, beating the Pirates 1-0 in 10 innings.

Other gamers in the trading season include the Phillies, getting Indians lefty Cliff Lee, and the Mariners (the Mariners?), barely in the playoff hunt, getting shortstop Jack Wilson and right-hander Ian Snell from Pittsburgh.

Best Mid-Season Fire Sale: Pirates and Indians in a dead heat.

Dialing the Clone Phone. Prince Fielder is channeling Willie Stargell, no? A little bit? He's got the jelly-belly build, the one-handed follow-through, the jovial demeanor (sometimes) and delivers the long ball with frequency and style. Now all he needs is Pops' longevity and maybe -- and I do mean maybe -- he'll get his own P.O. Box in Cooperstown.

Tip of the Cup. Everything points to Rajai Davis and the A's getting a repeat tip for outslugging the Red Sox at Fenway. If Davis (3-run double) keeps it up, he'll be a prime candidate for cloning none other than Bo Jackson. An honorable tip to Cubs pitcher Randy Wells and the Chicago offense for an impressive shutout of Houston.

Bland BS. Three of nine save situations blown, two by a couple of no-name middle relievers on last-place teams: John Bale, Royals (3); Tyler Clippard, Nationals (1); Jonathan Broxton, Dodgers (3).

Grading Garko

Nothing sexy about the Giants' acquisition of Ryan Garko and nothing spectacular about his debut in San Francisco Tuesday night (0-for-4). Nonetheless, the former Stanford star is all the buzz in these parts -- mainly because it's the Giants' only move so far as the trade deadline looms.

Let's be honest, shall we? It's a nothing deal. Garko is not a significant upgrade over Travis Ishikawa at first base -- at least not on paper. Their numbers are a wash: Garko is hitting .280 with 11 homers and 39 RBIs in 79 games; Ishikawa is hitting .268 with seven homers and 30 RBIs in 72 games. Hell, they're even similar in size, although Garko's had a few big sandwiches since he weighed in at his listed 225 pounds. Really, the only difference between the two: Garko's a righty.

And now Ishikawa, young and still finding himself, suffers a setback in his development. Plus the club loses a good, young arm in Scott Barnes. The Giants did not fill a need (Where have you gone Freddy Sanchez?); they traded for the sake of trading.

Tip of the Cup. Keeping with the Bay Area theme, Oakland's Rajai Davis -- an ex-Giant -- knocked in the tying run in the ninth and the go-ahead run in the 11th to help complete the A's come-from-behind win at Boston. An abbreviated tip to White Sox lefty Mark Buehrle for retiring the first 17 Twins he faced to set an ML record of 45 consecutive batters retired.

Heavenly BS. Seeing Boston "closer" Jonathan Papelbon take it on the chin Tuesday makes up for all the recent scarcity in this department. It was Papelbon's third blown save of the season. Here are the rest (five of 12 in all): Jim Johnson, Orioles (3); Joe Smith, Indians (1); Mark Lowe, Mariners (4); Rafael Soriano, Braves (2).

Summer of Slam

Washington's Josh Willingham accomplished a feat only 12 other Major League players before him accomplished: two grand slams in a single game. The slammers seem to be coming out of the woodwork of late -- joining Willingham Monday were the Mets' Fernando Tatis and the Cubs' Alfonso Soriano, the former coming off the bench for a pinch-slam and the latter launching a 13th-inning walk-off slam.

Of course, Tatis is the same player -- and the only one in ML history -- to hit two slams in a single inning back in 1999. The unlikliest bit of trivia from that feat: one man gave up both blasts, and believe it or not, he's still pitching in the bigs today. His name? Chan Ho Park.

One more little bit of slam lore: My man Don Mattingly hit six in 1987 to set the ML single-season record, a mark equaled by Cleveland's Travis Hafner in 2006. Donnie Baseball never hit one prior to or after that.

Tip of the Cup. Gotta go with Giants ace Tim Lincecum, who fanned a career-best 15 Pirates and picked up win No. 11.

Lonely BS. Brian Fuentes, Angels (4).

Jumbo Jack with a Side of Rice

Another commercial I might not turn my back on:

• Jim Rice in his prime, say 1978, stands in against Jack from the Jack in the Box spots. With the afro and mustache prim and prominent, the Red Sox slugger pulls his helmet low over his eyes as he stares down the lanky right-hander. Cut to Jack, who's got that usual smirk on his face and is talking out loud about something irrelevant. Cut back to the plate, where Breakfast calls for the heater away. Cut back to Jack, who nods, winds and fires it belt high about two inches outside. Rice whips the bat around and lines it right back where it came from. Next thing you hear is a strange thud and a hushed crowd as the camera hones in on that smiling styrofoam head sailing toward the Green Monster. Cut to Rice eating a postgame Big Mac.

Hey, Rickey, you're so fine. Forget about the records, the mind-numbing stats and the multitude of skills. Two things about Rickey Henderson that aren't talked about enough:

1. He struck genuine fear in opposing teams -- pitchers changed the way they pitched and managers changed the way they managed when Henderson was in the lineup.
2. He made his teammates better -- especially guys like Tony Armas, Don Mattingly, Dave Winfield, Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire and Carney Lansford, most of whom were handed about 50-100 extra career RBIs on a silver platter courtesy of Rickey.

Tip of the Cup. That Philly lineup is crazy good -- they crushed the Cardinals again Sunday --and they're making a pretty fair case for convincing the front-office crew to forget about Roy Halladay. Minnesota's Justin Morneau gets mention for two dingers in helping cool down the Angels.

It's only BS if you want it to be. Two forgettable blown saves Sunday -- one was a technicality, the other was a Nationals game: Phil Coke, Yankees (4); Mike MacDougal, Nationals (1).

For Pete's Sake

As Hall of Fame day is upon us, I thought it fitting to take a few moments for reflection ... with a poem. You heard me. The following is a monosyllabic poem I wrote for a creative writing course last spring (Go ahead, laugh. But deep down, you know you're just afraid.):

Tainted Rose

Bat meets ball with a thwack
White sphere sails high toward blue sky
Run like the wind, Pete
Fans rise, clap, cheer
As you round first base
Off the wall skips the ball
Don’t stop, you’ll make it to third
Hard comes the throw, fast and low
But you’re safe with a dive
Stand up, dust off, wave to the crowd
They love you still, Pete
How can they not?

You are a god to them
Lord Rose, the Hit King
On your way to the Hall
Just tell the truth, Pete
You had time to kill
You had cash to spend
One bet will do no harm
But then it’s two, three, four, more
You’re weak, you can’t stop
Now the game and your fame
Have been shamed, Lord Rose
Run, while the ball is still in the air

Tip of the Cup. Just as the play-by-play man finished spouting " ... a big, fat goose egg with the bases loaded this year," Philadelphia's Jimmy Rollins turned on a Jason Motte fastball to hit his second career grand slam and lead the Phillies to a rout of St. Louis. An abbreviated tip to the Tampa Bay Rays for their comeback from an eight-run deficit to beat Toronto. (Those of you wondering why Washington's Adam Dunn gets no tip for his slam against San Diego, I have two words: Nobody cares.)

Deja Vu BS. Four of eight save situations were blown Saturday, two coming from familiar AL culprits: Scott Downs, Blue Jays (3); Bobby Jenks, White Sox (4); Jason Motte, Phillies (3); Kiko Calero, Marlins (1).

Paid Holliday

Heard some radio motormouth say the Cardinals got Matt Holliday to protect Albert Pujols. Huh? Dude's putting up Triple Crown numbers (.328 BA, 34 HRs, 90 RBIs) and he needs protection?

Regardless, Holliday is a definite upgrade over Chris Duncan, who was dealt to Boston earlier in the week and immediately shipped to Triple-A. Not a bad deal for the A's either, throwing in the towel (along with a few million dollars of Holliday's salary) to get two first-rounders and a second-rounder.

Tip of the Cup. The Yankees won their eighth straight, Giants starter Matt Cain won his 12th and Holliday wasted no time in contributing to the Cards' playoff push with a 4-for-5 debut.

A sigh of relief. Six save situations Friday, and not a one blown.

Spoiler?

All this talk about perfect games brings back memories of the time I once broke up a perfect game. ...

OK, so it was my own perfect game. ...

And it was bowling.

'Perfect. Just Perfect.'

Congrats to Mark Buehrle blah, blah, blah, blah ...

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy blah, blah, blah, blah ...

Only the 18th perfect game in history blah, blah, blah, blah ...

Sorry. There's really not much more to be said. Except ...

I hope Buehrle plans on buying manager Ozzie Guillen and replacement center fielder Dewayne Wise a case of beer each, because Scott Podsednik -- no disrespect -- just doesn't have the height or the hops to get to that ball hit by Gabe Kapler. Ozzie made the move (disregarding proper perfect-game protocol), Wise made the grab, and the rest is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Tip of the Cup. Who else? But let's at least acknowledge Buehrle's catcher Ramon Castro here with an honorary tip (you know, just a quick, two-finger pinch).

Short on BS. Rain. Travel day. Those pesky perfect games. Whatever the reason, only four save situations Thursday and one blown: Joe Nathan, Minnesota (3).

The King and Mr. Z

As much as I despise TV commercials, here's one I might sit for:

• The King, from the Burger King spots, steps in against the Cubs' Carlos Zambrano and flashes that s***-eating grin. Next thing you know, he's taking one off the crown and he's got dirt all over his nice robe and that plastic beard. Cut to Zambrano, who -- being Zambrano -- has taken a few steps toward the plate and is holding his arms out in a challenging fashion. Cut back to the King, who slowly gets up -- still smiling -- calmly dusts himself off, takes pause to gauge the situation and then charges the mound ... to be continued

Rally-killer. The Oakland A's were hardly short on production in their 16-1 walloping of Minnesota -- with one exception: First baseman Daric Barton was hitless in four ABs and stranded eight runners.

Tip of the Cup. As much as I hate to do it, I can't ignore Manny Ramirez's heroics coming off the Dodgers' bench a day after stopping a fastball with his bare hand. His pinch-hit grand slam in the sixth beats the Reds. The kicker: It was Manny Bobblehead Night at Dodger Stadium. Dammitall.

More BS. My old man's favorite part of the game to critique (besides the commentary of Giants' TV analyst Mike Krukow -- but that's another post for another time). Four of 13 possible save situations were blown Wednesday: Bobby Seay, Detroit (4); Roman Colon, Kansas City (2); Dan Wheeler, Tampa Bay (4); Ryan Franklin, St. Louis (2). Closer, schmoser, as Dad likes to say.

Side note. The Yanks are now two up on Boston in the AL East.

One for the Team

Yes, the lovely Ms. Milano and all her fellow Dodger faithful are breathing a sigh of relief today knowing that the X-rays on Manny Ramirez's left hand were negative and he won't be taking another 50-game sabbatical. Funny, though, how his teammates didn't seem to miss him so much. (Maybe now Manny will have more time to contemplate his hair donation to the Superstars Tug-of-War competition.)

Dialing the Clone Phone: I can't get over how much the Yankees' Robinson Cano looks like Rod Carew. He's got the stance and the swing down pat. He could get the average up (.308 through Tuesday) with a few more slaps and dinks to left field. Then it would just be a matter of stealing home every other year. It could happen.

Take a Bow, Rook

A Tip of the Cup. To Texas rookie pitcher Tommy Hunter for handcuffing the Red Sox (while the Yankees quietly took the AL East lead), and, reluctantly, to Jayson Werth for his 13th-inning, game-ending dinger against the Cubs to push the Phillies' win streak into double-digits. (Regardless, I'm sticking with the Cubbies as my pick in the NL.)

Always Be Closing. A relatively slow night in the bullpen meltdown department. Tuesday's blown saves: Scott Downs, Blue Jays (2); Bobby Jenks, White Sox (3); Franklin Morales, Rockies (1).

Speaking of meltdowns. An honorary doff to my 4-year-old son for persuading his mother to play a Thomas the Tank Engine video so I didn't have to witness the Giants getting spanked in Atlanta.

Wild Card Race?

Memo. To those insistent on posting or talking about the wild-card race in July: Please. At this point in the season, all teams are still in contention (with the possible exception of Washington). Discussing the wild-card standings just because your team happens to be at or near the top -- with 70 games still to play -- is embarrassing and insulting.

Sorry. I got a little preachy there. But something had to be said. By the way, the Yankees and the Giants -- my teams -- are among the wild-card leaders. Yes!

July Call-Up

I know, I know. It's a weird time of year to start paying attention to baseball. But I'm American, and I kinda like it here, and I like baseball, too. So what the hell.

I once caught a foul ball off the bat of Orlando Merced. Of course, being that it was at Candlestick Park on a weeknight against the Pirates, I had little choice. (The drunk guy behind me started chanting, "Throw it back. Throw it back.") True story.

I played baseball for about 13 years -- from Little League straight on up to JC ball -- and never wore a cup. Today, I have three kids. Dumb luck, I guess.

I'll be back ...